Audio Counselling by Rajesh Pandey Psychologist & Counselor | ऑडियो काउंसलिंग - राजेश पांडेय साइकोलोजिस्ट & काउंसलर से

ऑडियो काउंसलिंग - राजेश पांडेय साइकोलोजिस्ट & काउंसलर

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Audio Counselling By Namrata Singh Child Psychologist | ऑडियो काउंसलिंग - नम्रता सिंह चाइल्ड साइकोलोजिस्ट & काउंसलर से

Audio Counselling By Namrata Singh Child Psychologist

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How To Deal With Bad Grades

How to Discipline a Teen for Getting Bad Grades

When a child's grades start falling, it can alarm parents. While some teens simply stop paying attention in class once they reach a certain age, poor academic performance can signal a serious underlying cause in other individuals. It is important that you handle your teen's poor grades in a manner that will prevent him from completely checking out, while giving him the motivation to do better in the future. A parent's main goal is to find out why the student's grades are suffering and to devise a plan based on the underlying cause, rather than blindly disciplining the child based on these poor results.

Step 1
Talk to your child. Before you can discipline the teen, you should learn why her grades are dropping. If you can determine the reason for her problems, it is easier to come up with a solution that works for both of you.

Step 2
Set realistic expectations. Not every teen will achieve straight As throughout high school, since every child is different. If your teen is putting the effort into his schoolwork, but is simply not getting the results, disciplining him could have an adverse effect.

Step 3
Avoid taking things away from your teen as punishment. If your teen enjoys doing something and is good at it, removing it from her life will not motivate her. In fact, removing her hobbies could cause her to give up completely.

Step 4
Structure your home life. A common reason for problems in school is a lack of structure at home. If your teen knows that he must finish his homework before the television is turned on or before he can visit friends, he is more likely to complete this work.

Tips

Every child reacts differently to parental intervention, so try multiple angles when determining a solution.

Warnings
Drug and alcohol problems can often lead to poor academic performance, so keep an eye out for these issues.

Find a Child or Teenager Psychologist For Counselling in Lucknow- 9369160546

1. When good student get bad grades or poor marks.

 2- Aggressive behavior in children and adolescents.

3- Constantly checks cellphone for messages. 

4- Hyperactive behavior at home.

5- Child have low levels of concentration.

6- Don't respect Parents.

7- Careless for studies.

8- Have bad habit like - smoking and drinking.

Parents contact a psychologist for counselling, to help their children with a variety of issues, 

such as academic achievement,student crisis situations,personal/social. 

Come and improve your quality of life with us--- 

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हेलो साइकोलोजिस्ट चाइल्ड डेवलपमेंट काउन्सलिंग सेन्टर लखनऊ ,उत्तर प्रदेश , इंडिया

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Read more - 

• How to improve child concentration
• Psychological treatment management of adhd child
• What is autism

What is normal behavior for a child?

Normal behavior in children depends on the child's age, temperament, personality, and physical and emotional development. A child's behavior may be a problem if it doesn't match the expectations of the parents and other family members or if it is disruptive. Normal or "good" behavior is usually determined by whether it's socially, culturally, and developmentally acceptable. Knowing what to expect from your child at each age will help you decide whether his or her behavior is normal.

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Read More --

• How to Identify Slow Learner Child 

• Improve Your Child Concentration

• Psychological Treatment & Management of ADHD

• Signs of a child having trouble with his new sibling

Symptom's Which Every Parents Must Know About Autism

https://youtu.be/FYd_WW1Ylyg

Is Your Child Hyperactive ?

What are signs of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)?

Children with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD, may have signs of hyperactive behavior, a lack of attention and difficulty concentrating.



Signs of hyperactive behavior

• Fidgeting and restlessness, almost constantly
• Not sitting in the same seat for any length of time
• Running or climbing inappropriately
• Talking too much
• Always playing too loudly
• Always "on the go"
• Blurting out answers to questions in school
• Cutting in line or unable to wait for a turn in activities
• Interrupting others

Signs of a lack of attention

• Difficulty following instructions
• Not seeming to listen to parents or teachers
• Not being able to focus attention on activities
• Frequently losing things needed for school or at home
• Not being able to pay attention to details
• Appearing disorganized
• Being unable to plan ahead effectively
• Being forgetful
• Appearing very destructible

Most children with ADHD show signs of both hyperactivity and attention problems. Some children, though, may have only signs of inattention. They may have trouble concentrating and paying attention, but they may not show signs of hyperactivity. This kind of problem used to be called attention-deficit disorder (ADD). ADD is now thought of as a form of ADHD.

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Problems at school: children 9-15 years

     Problems at school: children 9-15 years

Problems at school : the basics

Ups and downs at school are part of life for many young people. A good relationship with your child’s school and teachers can help you head off problems. If school problems do come up, it’s important that you quickly recognize and address them.

Problems at school can show up as poor academic performance, lack of motivation for school, loss of interest in school work, or poor relationships with peers or teachers.


School difficulties range from minor to severe, might be very short-lived or last for longer.

Common signs of school problems-

•  Drop in marks in one or more subjects.
•  Lack of engagement, connection or involvement with school – for example, your child might not be interested in extracurricular activities or have very few friends.
• Showing embarrassment or discomfort when talking about school.
• Refusing to talk with you about school, or rarely talking about school with family or friends.
  
• Never or rarely doing homework, or rarely talking about homework.
• Having low confidence or lacking self-esteem – your child might say she is ‘dumb’, ‘stupid’ or not as clever as her friends.
• Being kept back at lunch time or the end of the school day.
• Finding excuses not to go to school or skipping school without your knowledge.
• Being bored with school work or not feeling challenged enough – your child might say he’s not learning anything new.
• Having attention or behavior problems.
• Being bullied or bullying others.

Sometimes, problems at school will be easy to spot, and your child will willingly talk to you about them.

           But some children hide problems from their parents, teachers and peers. They might copy homework, pretend to be sick during important tests, or not bring reports home. This can make it very difficult for you to pick up on a problem. Sometimes even teachers might not spot the clues – especially if your child is absent a lot.

Causes of school problems

• Behavioral or developmental difficulties.
• Poor communication skills.
• Poor social skills.
• Difficulty with listening, concentrating or sitting still.
• Disliking, or not feeling connected to, the school culture or environment.
• Disliking school subjects, not liking the choice of subjects, or not feeling challenged by the work
• Not getting along with teachers or other students at school.
• Parents who aren’t involved in their child’s education.
• Family problems such as relationship breakdowns.
• Competing demands on time, such as extracurricular activities.
• Skipping school because of any of the reasons listed above.       

Parents contact a counselor -psychologist,to help their children with a variety of issues, such as academic achievement,student crisis situations,personal/social. 

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         Hello Psychologist Child Development Counseling Center Lucknow

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Following are some questions you might want to ask your child’s counselor:

• How is my child doing in school?
• What are my child’s strengths and weaknesses?
• Are there any areas of concerns or delayed development?
• What are my child’s goals for this year?
• What are some suggestions for action at home?
• What programs are available to help my child to do better?
• Does my child get along well with adults?

• Does my child get along well with his/her peers?
• What can I do to improve discipline at home?
• Are there ways I can improve communication with my child?
• What can I expect after a change in the family (death, divorce, illness, financial status, moving)?
• If my child is (running away from home, being disrespectful, having other problems), what should I do?
• What resources are available at school?
• What resources are available outside of school?
• What do I need to do to prepare my child for college admission?
• What are the best resources for information on financial assistance and scholarships?
• What do I do? My child is (sad, not sleeping, not eating, overeating, has temper tantrums, etc.)
• What do I do if I don’t like my child’s friends?

Parents contact a counselor -psychologist,to help their children with a variety of issues, such as academic achievement,student crisis situations,personal/social. 

Call For Appointment =   9415370790,  9369160546

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Do You Know Cerebral Palsy ?

What is cerebral palsy?

Cerebral palsy is an umbrella term for the effects of damage to a developing brain by various causes. It is connected with a range of symptoms, including muscle weakness and movement problems. The damage to the brain usually occurs early on in its development, either in the baby during pregnancy or during the period soon after birth. Symptoms may include difficulties in walking, balance and motor control, eating, swallowing, speech or coordination of eye movements. Some people affected by cerebral palsy also have some level of intellectual disability. No two people with cerebral palsy are affected in exactly the same way. 

What are the different types of cerebral palsy?

Each child is unique, and cerebral palsy takes different forms depending on which area of the brain has been damaged. Doctors usually make a diagnosis after looking at the brain injury using an MRI brain scan and considering the patient’s most dominant movement problem.  They also monitor the child through developmental milestones such as sitting, crawling, walking. There are four main types of cerebral palsy: spastic, dyskinetic, ataxic, or mixed when the patient has more than one movement disorder. Spastic cerebral palsy is the most common form, accounting for around 80% of all cases. This type typically involves muscle tightness, which makes movement difficult and can affect speech and bladder control. It can affect part or all of the body. Many patients with spastic cerebral palsy also have some involuntary movements and are therefore referred to as mixed.  Dyskinetic cerebral palsy accounts for 10-15% of cases, and is often one of the most severe forms of cerebral palsy. It causes involuntary movements, changes in muscle tone and also affects posture and/or movement. Ataxic cerebral palsy accounts for around 5% of cerebral palsy, and affects fine coordination of movements, for example balance, posture, gait, control of eye movements and depth perception.

What are the causes of cerebral palsy?

Cerebral palsy may arise during pregnancy, but can also be caused by complications at birth, or following injury or illness after birth. It is often difficult to pinpoint exactly what has caused the damage to the brain because many different things can work together to create each person’s unique set of symptoms, including:

·         Changes in the genes inside the brain’s cells can affect how the brain develops

·         The brain can sometimes develop in an unusual shape or structure

·         Infections during pregnancy or physical injury can cause damage to the brain

·         Complications of premature birth

·         Critical illness at birth (known as neonatal encephalopathy), which sometimes causes a shortage of oxygen to the brain 

Examples of cells found in the brain: Many different types of cells interact to carry signals around the brain and between the brain and body. Cerebral palsy is difficult to treat because it can involve damage to all of these types of cells and their connections.

How is cerebral palsy treated now?

Today’s therapies focus on making the symptoms of cerebral palsy more manageable. There is no cure, but teams of healthcare professionals work together with the patient to tackle the different aspects of their cerebral palsy. This might include physiotherapy and occupational therapy to improve movement and mobility, as well as speech therapy to improve communication skills. Muscle relaxants are available to tackle muscle stiffness, and other medicines are available to help with feeding problems in babies. A number of specialist organizations provide support for families and information on available therapies.

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Concentration Building Techniques for Kids with ADHD

5-Concentration Building Techniques for Kids with ADHD

Imagine that you are living inside of a video game, where everything is coming at you at once and every sight, sound and sensation is a distraction. For a child with ADHD, getting through a typical day is something like that—and it explains a great deal about how they experience the world. Children with ADHD typically have impairment of functions such as concentration, memory, impulse control, processing speed and an inability to follow directions. If you’re a parent of a child with ADD or ADHD, this most likely sounds all too familiar. Over the years, you've probably struggled through homework sessions with your child, tried (and failed) to get them to complete certain tasks like cleaning their room or finishing yard work, and on more than one occasion, you've probably felt completely drained by their high energy and seeming inability to focus.

The good news is, there is something you can do to help your ADHD child improve their concentration skills. For years it was thought that each of us was born with a generous supply of brain cells, but that we were unable to produce additional cells or make changes in how they function. Fairly recently, neuroscientists discovered the presence of something called “neuroplasticity” which enables the brain to actually grow additional cells or modify the function of existing cells. Amazingly, cognitive exercises have been found to produce desired changes in not only how the brain works, but how it looks.

Exercises that help ADHD kids improve their concentration.

1. The Coin Game: This is one of the games that we use in the Total Focus Program. Parents like it because it improves memory and sequencing as well as attention and concentration, and kids enjoy it because it’s fast-paced and fun. First, you will need a small pile of assorted coins, a cardboard sheet to cover them, and a stopwatch (or a regular watch with a second hand.) Choose five of the coins from the

pile (for this example, we’ll say three pennies and two nickels) and put them into a sequence. Now, tell your child to “Look carefully at the coins arranged on the table.” Then, cover the coins with the cardboard. Start the stopwatch, and then ask them to make the same pattern using the coins from the pile. When they are finished, mark the time with the stopwatch and remove the cardboard cover. Write down the time it took them to complete the pattern and whether or not they were correct. If they didn't complete it correctly, have them keep trying until they can do it. You can increase the difficulty of the patterns as you go, and include  nickels, dimes, quarters, and half dollars. You’ll see your child’s concentration and sequencing improve the more they play, which is a great reward for both of you.

2. Relaxation and Positive Imagery: Combining simple relaxation techniques such as deep breathing with positive visual imagery helps the brain to improve or learn new skills. For instance, research shows that if a person mentally practices their golf swing, the brain actually records the imaginary trials the same as if they were real trials which leads to improvement on the golf course. So ADHD kids can “imagine” that they’re paying attention in class or able to handle teasing, and this can in turn change their behavior at school. You and your child can use your own creativity and give this a try.

3. Mind - Body Integration: An example of this technique would be to have your child attempt to sit in a chair without moving. The parent times how long the child is able to accomplish this.Repeated practice over several weeks will show improvement. Through this activity, the neural connections between the brain and body are strengthened, providing improved self-control.

4. Crossword Puzzles and Picture Puzzles:  It sounds simple, but these are great tools for kids with ADHD. Crossword puzzles actually improve attention for words and sequencing ability, while picture puzzles—in which your younger child has to look for things that are “wrong” in the picture or look for hard-to-find objects—also improve attention and concentration.
5. Memory and Concentration Games: Children’s games such as Memory or Simon are great ideas for improving memory and concentration. They are quick and fun. Memory motivates the child to remember the location of picture squares and Simon helps them memorize sequences of visual and auditory stimuli. Through repeated playing, brain circuits are “exercised” and challenged, which strengthens connections and thus improves function. Also, there are some free computer games on the internet that also improve concentration or memory such as Memory and Mosquito Killer. For older children and adolescents

As you do all of these “brain exercises,” you should work together with your child serving as his or her “coach.” Provide them with encouragement and track their progress as they improve. This is a win/win solution, because it also strengthens the relationship you have with your child.

Go ahead. Have some fun. Do the exercises along with your child, and who knows, you may find your brain will work a little faster and smarter, too!


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How to Recognize the Early Signs of Autism

https://youtu.be/FYd_WW1Ylyg

How to Recognize ADHD Symptoms in Children

https://youtu.be/nVXh94McsQ0

concentration problems in children

• Short attention span.
  
• Easily distracted by other people/noises.
• Difficulty focusing and sustaining focus.
• Shifting focus (moving attention from one thing to another).
• Failing to give close attention to detail, making careless mistakes.
• Appearing not to listen when spoken to directly.
• Difficulty following instructions.
• Failing to finish tasks (not because of fractious behaviour or failure to understand instructions).
• Difficulty organizing tasks.
• 
  
  
• Avoids, dislikes or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort.
• Loses things necessary for tasks (files or books).
• Forgetful in daily routine.
• Inability to keep still in seat.
• Leaves seat in situation in which remaining seated is expected.
• Excessive talking.
• Impulsive – acting before thinking.
• Interrupting others.
• Children have more difficulties with work completion, productivity, planning, remembering things needed for school, and meeting deadlines.
• Children start beating about the bush just to avoid writing or reading, when parents teach these children.
• If children are asked to finish their homework within a specified time, they just fail to meet the deadline.
  
  
  
• On being asked to read aloud, these children just stop in the middle and parents need to keep reminding the children every time they stop.
• Making disruptive noise, leaving their seats unexpectedly, speaking out of turn, disturbing classmates, and not completing classwork are typical 

If any parents see near to all problem in his child then they must think to consult a child psychologist for the proper evaluation and management.

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How to Handle Sibling Rivalry

Sibling Issues 

Raising one child is challenging in our fast-paced society. Raising more than one child brings added joys, and often, difficult feelings that start with the older child and eventually infect the younger child too.
Those feelings can be lifted by a few important strategies which, employed early and
often, can clear the way for rich, playful, and loving relationships between children. Since these strategies are not the typical, "Don't do that or I'll send you to your room" approach, they are challenging to use. But the results they bring over time are deeply rewarding.

Preparation for a brother or sister

Every child has longings for more time and more closeness with their parents! These longings are a big part of why it's hard to want to go to bed at night, hard to get dressed to go to day care or to Grandma's, and why it can even be upsetting to see Mommy or Daddy cuddling or talking on the telephone! Every child needs a chance to air his feelings about wanting more, indeed, about wanting all your time and attention.

 The first is to offer him Special Time during which you pour on your attention, your approval, and your closeness. You allow your child to choose what play he wants to do with you.
You can start Special Time by saying expectantly, “OK, we have fifteen minutes, and I'll play with you any way you want to!” with a lively tone. Then, keep your attention focused on your child. Let the phone ring, and postpone your need to get a cup of tea during this time.
It's surprisingly hard to do for us—because parenting is stressful, we almost always try to teach, try to direct, or try to get little jobs done while we're playing with our children! What Special Time does is to help your child, and you, too, notice that you are paying loving attention and letting him make decisions for awhile.

The second step is to notice when your child longs for exclusive closeness with you. Is it when new people are around? Is it when you both arrive at day care or at the grandparents' house? Is it at bedtime, with pleas for story after story to keep you close?
When a child feels upset about a possible separation, however minor it may be, his feelings of needing you are ready to be released. He needs the reassurance that you love him and the chance to cry as long as possible to drain the reservoir of sadness about you going.
Playfully with the older child

After a new sibling had arrived, an older child's feelings will be both large with love and wonder, and tight with upset about his sibling's intrusion into his relationship and time with you. One of the more fruitful ways to handle this is to find a way to play "I want you!" with your older child as often as possible.

"I want you" games come in a hundred variations. You could begin by getting down on the floor and announcing, “I have a hundred kisses for you! Where shall I start?!” and crawling awkwardly toward your child. You can make great efforts to get him and cuddle him, and then he can wriggle away and dance just out of reach, laughing while you try to deliver your kisses. 

The laughter your child does while you playfully show that you can't live without him heals some of the hurt of seeing you attending the other child so often and so lovingly. And it gives you a delightful way to openly appreciate your older child.
Special Time will also help you center your attention on your older child at regular intervals during the week, helping both him and you to plump up your relationship and remember the love you have for each other.

Notice what goes well      

           

Brothers and sisters want to get along. They want to have fun with each other. Often, we parents are so relieved to have things going well between our children that we don't notice the details of the generous and flexible moments between them. We use the times that go well between them to get our housework or phone calls or schoolwork done.

If you look carefully, you'll see sharing, assistance, and thoughtfulness at moments and in places you hadn't noticed before. Sometimes, these moments of brotherly and sisterly genius take place a split-second before the relationship deteriorates into a tangle.
In spite of what follows, those few seconds were an effort, and an achievement. Your appreciation of the positive is a help to your children's relationship. “Jacquie, thanks for bringing your sister the brush. Now can you let her do her hair herself?” helps a child feel seen. Her effort to help is real, even if her follow-through leaves something to be desired.

When your child needs you and you can't help right away

When children cry for more closeness, or get upset because you can't help them right away, we have an excellent chance to help them to fully release the sadness they feel. When your older child feels needy, you can send him an invitation to be close.
A loving look or a tender word, an invitation to come and snuggle your back or sit on your feet or be embraced by your one free arm says, "I want to help" even when you can't.
If your child begins to tantrum or cry, an excellent thing is happening! He's using the offer of closeness that you gave as the sweetness he needed to begin to release his pent-up feelings of upset. Sometimes children "work on" their feelings of helplessness, too, and feel like they can’t walk over to you.
After they've cried a while, they'll rediscover their ability to walk again, and will have worked through some outdated feelings that were making them whiny and hard to live with.

Crying and tantrums heal the hurt, although by all appearances, your child feels worse than ever while it's happening. If you keep offering loving words and gentle looks while he works his feelings through, he'll feel closer to you and much relieved when he's done, and he won't be blaming his unhappiness on his sibling. His unhappiness will have been scrubbed away by the heartfelt emotional work he just did.

Key to this strategy is your understanding that your love is enough, even when you can't help right away. Your attention during an explosion of feelings (even from the other side of the room) is noticed by your child. Your voice and your eyes will convey your caring, and help to right the wrongs that your child is feeling.
You are not neglecting him, nor are you causing more pain. While you patiently listen to a crying or tant ruming child, you are doing a good job as a parent, and your child is doing a good job of getting rid of the bad feelings he doesn't want to live with.

What about the disputes?

In every family feeling of frustration and competition for attention and for toys disturb siblings' good intentions sooner or later. When there's a tug-of-war over you, or over a desired thing, you can help your children by listening the feelings through.
Children can tolerate necessary unfairness as long as the feelings of frustration or insult are heard. Feelings that are listened to all the way through are feelings that evaporate afterward.
When you listen to crying or frustration, the child lets the awful feeling out, and your attention and caring then flow in. So siblings can get back to loving each other, even when you can't give them the same experiences, or the same amounts, or the same time, or the same toys.

A policy that reduces tension over time

The policy I like best about disputed items is that the child who has the item gets to keep it until he's done. Meanwhile, the parent "helps the other child wait" by making sure he is gently held if he tries to grab.
The parent listens to the child's upset while he feels like he's never going to get his turn. The crying or tantrum drains the "I'm a victim" feelings, the "I never get what I want" feelings, and the "It isn't fair" feelings that often infect a sibling relationship, and turn it into a real power contest every day. All the parent needs to do is to listen to the feelings, and to keep giving the reassurance that, “You'll get a turn. He won't keep the red bike forever.”
As you'll see, the "unfairness" of Jasmine getting to the puzzle first today will let Jacquie work on her upsets, and Jacquie getting to the swing first tomorrow will let Jasmine work on her upsets. Cry by cry, both children have a chance to have your company and closeness while they work out their upsets about the other.
Gradually, over time, this helps siblings develop patience and trust that, even if they can't have what they want right now, they are loved and will get a turn later. You have children who love each other, and by listening, you're helping them move big chunks of negative feelings out of the way of that love. The fun will follow.

When both children are pulling hard on the same item, an unusual but very effective strategy is to put your hand on the desired item, too, and say, “I'm sure you can figure out how to share this. I'm not going to let either of you grab it right now. You can figure this out.”
Lots of crying and heated feelings will follow, and when one or the other child has cried enough to think clearly, a solution will appear. One child will decide to wait, or they'll begin negotiating with each other. It's so difficult to resist clamping a solution onto the problem right away!
But allowing them to cry hard about their heated wants will make cooperation far more likely. And you won't be required to keep the peace between them, once they've cried enough to come to their own solution.
We adults have been trained to try to solve the dispute quickly so the feelings will subside. It's an emotional challenge for us to take the unusual tack that the feelings are the real issue, not the disputed item.
When we listen instead of legislating turns, we bring our children some moments to feel loved while they feel sad or angry. This love and reassurance while they are upset sticks with them far longer than the five minutes of (usually defensive) fun with the toy, after which they are tense again over when they will get their next five minutes.

When one sibling is harsh toward another

Children who touch too roughly, or hug too tightly, or hit or poke or hurt their siblings are sending clear signals that they have some upsets that need to be listened to. Even very young children can be gentle with younger ones; as long as they are feeling "filled up" with attention, and relaxed.
So any sign of harshness from one sibling to another can be taken as a sign that the child is not feeling connected or relaxed enough to function thoughtfully. When you notice that a child has been rough, scolding him or ordering him to do things correctly won't help. This only frightens your child more, and makes it less likely that he'll be able to act thoughtfully.

What does help is to move in quickly and gently.
Very gently but firmly stop the tense child from touching the younger child, but don't remove him. Say, “I'll help you be next to Sammy,” and guide his hands or his kisses so that they land softly, Move so that you can make eye contact with the older child, and invite him kindly to take a look at you.
Usually, because the child is tense with upset, he can't look at you for long, and when he tries, the upset begins to make him want to go away. Gently stay with him and keep him close, continuing to let him feel your attention and your support.
Usually, the child will move rather quickly into a tantrum or a big cry about wanting you or not wanting you, or about wanting to touch the baby, or not wanting the baby. All those feelings are important facets of the nugget of upset he's trying to offload. If you stay with him, without criticism, he'll be able to cry or tantrum it through.

When our children hurt each other, we need help ourselves

Seeing one sibling hurt another is one of the most trying times in our lives as parents. It makes us feel like we aren’t succeeding at the really important part of parenting. And often, it sets us up to be harsh toward the child who did the hurting, even though we love that child deeply.
Sometimes, when the hurting has become frequent, almost habitual, sibling troubles infect the way all the members of the family feel all of the time. As hard as these times are for us, we need to keep the perspective that they happen in just about every family.
Perhaps we’ll come to a time in human history when life is so gentle that sibling aggression is rarer, but we’re not there yet.
One difficulty we have in finding good ways out of sibling tangles, little or big, is that we parents generally haven’t seen parents handle sibling difficulties without harshness.
It feels like harshness is necessary, even justified, to get the aggression to stop. But if we reason things through, it’s hard to see how harshness from a grownup could beget love and tenderness between children. There must be a better answer.
And there is, but it’s not easy. I think the most effective answer lies off the beaten path of a parent’s life. Since it works so well, here goes.

When our children begin to fight and it creates upset in the family, it’s time for the parent looking for a solution to find a listener. Parents with fighting siblings get upset. Upset people don’t solve people problems well.
We have to be able to win the hearts of our children back to us, before they can love each other well again. And to win a child’s heart, a grownup needs to shed his doubts about the goodness of the child. When our children fight, it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that they are good children.
When they fight, at least one of them is experiencing a blackout in his thinking. He hasn’t stopped being a good person, he’s just stopped thinking. It happens to us every day too. For example, when our children fight, we often stop thinking.
So a good first move is to find someone who can, without interruption, judgment, or advice, listen to you talk about the child who gets lost in upset.
Some of the things to talk about are:

What was it like for you and that child when he was born?
When he was an infant?
What was the last time you really felt close to him? Enjoyed him?
What do you feel like doing when he hurts his sibling? What do you do?
What would have happened to you if you had acted like he does when you were a child?
What do you worry about?
What hurts you or angers you when you see your children fighting?
Telling someone about each of these threads of experience and feeling will help. If you can show some of the feelings that arise, all the better. The feelings are sitting there, waiting for release.
Sometimes, it helps to talk about the situation several times. Don’ make your children listen to the stories you have. They are best saved for other adults.

Your child is good
 Sooner or later, every child with siblings gets upset with his brother or sister. But try to keep a good perspective: even when consumed with big feelings, your child is good. He's signalling you for help as clearly and as vigorously as he knows how.
You may need some listening time from another adult to remember his goodness. Once your own upset isn't throbbing, you'll again be able to spend one-on-one time with him, a good first step toward healing his aching heart.

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