Good Parenting

Good Parenting 

Raising children, especially in this day and age, is not an easy task. But, if you start out from their birth on the right track, even though there will be bumps in the road along the way, it is still possible, even now, to set them on the path to being decent human beings. Being a parent is one of the most fulfilling experiences a person can have. The most important thing a parent can give their child, however, is a sense of being loved. Just keep in mind that you don't have to be infallible to be a "perfect" parent.

1. Have patience-  The main ingredient in the recipe for a “good parent” is patience. If you want them to turn out well in the end, you have to know, up front, what kind of people you want them to become and set out to teach them how to be it. But it takes patience because they are going to fight you every step of the way. But at the same time don’t be afraid to make mistakes. As long as your children get the basics, they are going to be OK. A few mistakes along the way are not going to change the end result.

2. Do not fight or argue with each other in front of the children- First of all fighting with each other about something but then sticking concerning your child is going to make it look to the child as tough your “united front” is only “united against” your child. The object is to show your children a loving unity that includes them. So, curb your temper. Your children are going to be subjected to enough fighting when they get to school and then out into the World. Let your home be their refuse where they know they are safe and all is well. Especially do not argue with each other over something concerning the children in front of them. If you disagree with each other on something, discuss it out of their hearing so that they do not know you were not united on the decision.

3. Teach your children manners- Teach them to say please and thank you, to open doors for people, to let’s go first, to share, to not interrupt when someone in talking, to be polite, to have respect.

4. Teach your children the difference between right and wrong- That’s not as simple as it sounds, but you know the difference between right and wrong, then you can teach it to your children. Teach them that every action, good or bad, has a consequences and they must be willing to accept that consequence. Teach them that they must learn to look at the consequences of an action and then decide whether they want to accept that consequences before they do not action. Teach them that if they don’t know what the consequence of something would be, they should ask you about it before they do it.

5 Express your love and affection-    A gentle cuddle, a little encouragement, appreciation, approval or even a smile can go a long way to boost the confidence and well-being of your children. Tell them you love them every day. Love them unconditionally; don't force them to be who you think they should be in order to earn your love. Let them know that you will always love them no matter what.

6 Praise Your Children- Avoid comparing your children to others, especially siblings. Each child is individual and unique. Teach your children that it is okay for them to be different, and they do not have to follow the crowd. Teach them right from wrong when they are young, and they will (more often than not) be able to make their own decisions, instead of listening to/following others. Remember that your child is not an extension of yourself. Your child is an individual under your care, not a chance for you to relive your life through them.

7 Avoid Criticism- When your child acts out in a harmful and spiteful manner, tell him or her that such behavior is unacceptable and suggest alternatives. Avoid statements such as: "You're bad." "Go away!", etc. (as difficult as it may be to remain positive) . Avoid public humiliation. If they misbehave in public, take them aside, and scold them privately.

8. Be consistent-   Enforce rules that apply to every person leading a happy and productive life  Enforce the same rules all the time, and resist your child's attempts to manipulate you into making exceptions. Communicate clearly. Children should be very familiar with the consequences of their actions. If you give them a punishment, be sure they understand the reason and the fault, if you cannot articulate the reason and how they are at fault the punishment will not have the discouraging effects you desire.

9. Listen to them- Express interest in your children and involve yourself in his and her life. Create an atmosphere in which they can come to you with a problem however large or small.

10. Provide Order- Set boundaries such as bedtimes and curfews, so they learn that they have limitations. By doing so, they actually get a sense of being loved and cared about by their parents. Encourage responsibility by giving them jobs or "chores" to do and as a reward for those jobs give them some kind of privilege (money, extended curfew, extra play time, etc.).

11. Spend quality time with your children- Spend a lot of time with your kids and love them with all your heart. Try to divide your time equally if you have more than one child.

 Written By :-

   Dr.Shweta singh

    Guest Lecturer,

   Dpt. of Applied Psychology,

   V.B.S.Purvanchal University

   Jaunpur,U.P.,INDIA 

     shweta_opsingh@rediffmail.com

THANKS 

Under Stand ADHD

Under Stand ADHD in Childrens's/ Teenagers

Understanding ADD / ADHD:-

Attention deficit disorder is not just a problem in children. If you were diagnosed with childhood ADD/ADHD, chances are, you’ve carried at least some of the symptoms into adulthood. But even if you were never diagnosed with ADD/ADHD as a child, that doesn’t mean you can’t be affected by it as an adult.

ADD / ADHD: It’s not just for kids

Attention deficit disorder often goes unrecognized throughout childhood. This was especially common in the past, when very few people were aware of ADD/ADHD. Instead of recognizing your symptoms and identifying the real issue, your family, teachers, or other parents may have labeled you a dreamer, a goof-off, a slacker, a troublemaker, or just a bad student.

Alternately, you may have been able to compensate for the symptoms of ADD/ADHD when you were young, only to run into problems as your responsibilities increase. The more balls you’re trying to keep in the air—pursuing a career, raising a family, running a household—the greater the demand on your abilities to organize, focus, and remain calm. This can be challenging for anyone, but if you have ADD/ADHD, it can feel downright impossible.

The good news is that, no matter how it feels, the challenges of attention deficit disorder are beatable. With education, support, and a little creativity, you can learn to manage the symptoms of adult ADD/ADHD—even turning some of your weaknesses into strengths. It’s never too late to turn the difficulties of adult ADD/ADHD around and start succeeding on your own terms.

Myths and Facts about ADD / ADHD in Adults

MYTH: ADD/ADHD is just a lack of willpower. Persons with ADD/ADHD focus well on things that interest them; they could focus on any other tasks if they really wanted to.
FACT: ADD/ADHD looks very much like a willpower problem, but it isn’t. It’s essentially a chemical problem in the management systems of the brain.

MYTH: Everybody has the symptoms of ADD/ADHD, and anyone with adequate intelligence can overcome these difficulties.
FACT: ADD/ADHD affects persons of all levels of intelligence. And although everyone sometimes has symptoms of ADD/ADHD, only those with chronic impairments from these symptoms warrant an ADD/ADHD diagnosis.

MYTH: Someone can’t have ADD/ADHD and also have depression, anxiety, or other psychiatric problems.
FACT: A person with ADD/ADHD is six times more likely to have another psychiatric or learning disorder than most other people. ADD/ADHD usually overlaps with other disorders

MYTH: Unless you have been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD as a child, you can’t have it as an adult.
FACT: Many adults struggle all their lives with unrecognized ADD/ADHD impairments. They haven’t received help because they assumed that their chronic difficulties, like depression or anxiety, were caused by other impairments that did not respond to usual treatment.

In adults, attention deficit disorder often looks quite different than it does in children—and its symptoms are unique for each individual. The following categories highlight common symptoms of adult ADD/ADHD. Do your best to identify the areas where you experience difficulty. Once you pinpoint your most problematic symptoms, you can start to work on strategies for dealing with them.

Common adult ADD / ADHD symptoms: 

Trouble concentrating and staying focused
Adults with ADD/ADHD often have difficulty staying focused and attending to daily, mundane tasks. For example, you may be easily distracted by irrelevant sights and sounds, quickly bounce from one activity to another, or become bored quickly. Symptoms in this category are sometimes overlooked because they are less outwardly disruptive than the ADD/ADHD symptoms of hyperactivity and impulsivity—but they can be every bit as troublesome. The symptoms of inattention and concentration difficulties include:

“zoning out” without realizing it, even in the middle of a conversation.
extreme distractibility; wandering attention makes it hard to stay on track.
difficulty paying attention or focusing, such as when reading or listening to others.
struggling to complete tasks, even ones that seem simple.
tendency to overlook details, leading to errors or incomplete work.
poor listening skills; hard time remembering conversations and following directions.
Common adult ADD / ADHD symptoms: Hyperfocus
While you’re probably aware that people with ADD/ADHD have trouble focusing on tasks that aren’t interesting to them, you may not know that there’s another side: a tendency to become absorbed in tasks that are stimulating and rewarding. This paradoxical symptom is called hyperfocus.

Hyperfocus is actually a coping mechanism for distraction—a way of tuning out the chaos. It can be so strong that you become oblivious to everything going on around you. For example, you may be so engrossed in a book, a TV show, or your computer that you completely lose track of time and neglect the things you’re supposed to be doing. Hyperfocus can be an asset when channeled into productive activities, but it can also lead to work and relationship problems if left unchecked.

Common adult ADD / ADHD symptoms: Disorganization and forgetfulness

When you have adult ADD/ADHD, life often seems chaotic and out of control. Staying organized and on top of things can be extremely challenging—as is sorting out what information is relevant for the task at hand, prioritizing the things you need to do, keeping track of tasks and responsibilities, and managing your time. Common symptoms of disorganization and forgetfulness include:

poor organizational skills (home, office, desk, or car is extremely messy and cluttered)
tendency to procrastinate
trouble starting and finishing projects
chronic lateness
frequently forgetting appointments, commitments, and deadlines
constantly losing or misplacing things (keys, wallet, phone, documents, bills)
underestimating the time it will take you to complete tasks

Common adult ADD / ADHD symptoms:
 Impulsivity
If you suffer from symptoms in this category, you may have trouble inhibiting your behaviors, comments, and responses. You might act before thinking, or react without considering consequences. You may find yourself interrupting others, blurting out comments, and rushing through tasks without reading instructions. If you have impulse problems, being patient is extremely difficult. For better or for worse, you may go headlong into situations and find yourself in potentially risky circumstances. You may struggle with controlling impulses if you:

frequently interrupt others or talk over them
have poor self-control
blurt out thoughts that are rude or inappropriate without thinking
have addictive tendencies
act recklessly or spontaneously without regard for consequences
have trouble behaving in socially appropriate ways (such as sitting still during a long meeting)
Common adult ADD / ADHD symptoms: Emotional difficulties
Many adults with ADD/ADHD have a hard time managing their feelings, especially when it comes to emotions like anger or frustration. Common emotional symptoms of adult ADD/ADHD include:

sense of underachievement
doesn’t deal well with frustration
easily flustered and stressed out
irritability or mood swings
trouble staying motivated
hypersensitivity to criticism
short, often explosive, temper

low self-esteem and sense of insecurity

Common adult ADD / ADHD symptoms:

 Hyperactivity or restlessness
Hyperactivity in adults with ADD/ADHD can look the same as it does in kids. You may be highly energetic and perpetually “on the go” as if driven by a motor. For many people with ADD/ADHD, however, the symptoms of hyperactivity become more subtle and internal as they grow older. Common symptoms of hyperactivity in adults include:

feelings of inner restlessness, agitation
tendency to take risks
getting bored easily
racing thoughts
trouble sitting still; constant fidgeting
craving for excitement
talking excessively
doing a million things at once

You don’t have to be hyperactive to have ADD / ADHD

Adults with ADD/ADHD are much less likely to be hyperactive than their younger counterparts. Only a small slice of adults with ADD/ADHD, in fact, suffer from prominent symptoms of hyperactivity. Remember that names can be deceiving and you may very well have ADD/ADHD if you have one or more of the symptoms above—even if you lack hyperactivity.
Effects of adult ADD / ADHD
If you are just discovering you have adult ADD/ADHD, chances are you’ve suffered over the years for the unrecognized problem. People may have labeled you “lazy” or “stupid” because of your forgetfulness or difficulty completing tasks, and you may have begun to think of yourself in these negative terms as well.

Untreated ADD/ADHD has wide-reaching effects
ADD/ADHD that is undiagnosed and untreated can cause problems in virtually every area of your life.

Physical and mental health problems. The symptoms of ADD/ADHD can contribute to a variety of health problems, including compulsive eating, substance abuse, anxiety, chronic stress and tension, and low self-esteem. You may also run into trouble due to neglecting important check-ups, skipping doctor appointments, ignoring medical instructions, and forgetting to take vital medications.
Work and financial difficulties. Adults with ADD/ADHD often experience career difficulties and feel a strong sense of underachievement. You may have trouble keeping a job, following corporate rules, meeting deadlines, and sticking to a 9-to-5 routine. Managing finances may also be a problem: you may struggle with unpaid bills, lost paperwork, late fees, or debt due to impulsive spending.

Relationship problems. The symptoms of ADD/ADHD can put a strain on your work, love, and family relationships. You may be fed up with constant nagging from loved ones to tidy up, listen more closely, or get organized. Those close to you, on the other hand, may feel hurt and resentful over your perceived “irresponsibility” or “insensitivity.”
The wide-reaching effects of ADD/ADHD can lead to embarrassment, frustration, hopelessness, disappointment, and loss of confidence. You may feel like you’ll never be able to get your life under control. That’s why a diagnosis of adult ADD/ADHD can be an enormous source of relief and hope. It helps you understand what you’re up against for the first time and realize that you’re not to blame. The difficulties you’ve had are symptoms of attention deficit disorder—not the result of personal weakness or a character flaw.

Adult ADD/ADHD doesn’t have to hold you back
When you have ADD/ADHD, it’s easy to end up thinking that there’s something wrong with you. But it’s okay to be different. ADD/ADHD isn’t an indicator of intelligence or capability. Certain things may be more difficult for you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find your niche and achieve success. The key is to find out what your strengths are and capitalize on them.
It can be helpful to think about attention deficit disorder as a collection of traits that are both positive and negative—just like any other set of qualities you might possess. Along with the impulsivity and disorganization of ADD/ADHD, for example, often come incredible creativity, passion, energy, out-of-the-box thinking, and a constant flow of original ideas. Figure out what you’re good at and set up your environment to support those strengths.
Self-help for adult ADD / ADHD
Learn to recognize & reduce hidden stress

 Help 

Armed with an understanding of ADD/ADHD’s challenges and the help of structured strategies, you can make real changes in your life. Many adults with attention deficit disorder have found meaningful ways to manage their symptoms, take advantage of their gifts, and lead productive and satisfying lives. You don’t necessarily need outside intervention—at least not right away. There is a lot you can do to help yourself and get your symptoms under control.

Exercise and eat right. Exercise vigorously and regularly—it helps work off excess energy and aggression in a positive way and soothes and calms the body. Eat a wide variety of healthy foods and limit sugary foods in order to even out mood swings.
Get plenty of sleep. When you’re tired, it’s even more difficult to focus, manage stress, stay productive, and keep on top of your responsibilities. Support yourself by getting between 7-8 hours of sleep every night.
Practice better time management. Set deadlines for everything, even for seemingly small tasks. Use timers and alarms to stay on track. Take breaks at regular intervals. Avoid piles of paperwork or procrastination by dealing with each item as it comes in. Prioritize time-sensitive tasks and write down every assignment, message, or important thought.
Work on your relationships. Schedule activities with friends and keep your engagements. Be vigilant in conversation: listen when others are speaking and try not to speak too quickly yourself. Cultivate relationships with people who are sympathetic and understanding of your struggles with ADD/ADHD.
Create a supportive work environment. Make frequent use of lists, color-coding, reminders, notes-to-self, rituals, and files. If possible, choose work that motivates and interests you. Notice how and when you work best and apply these conditions to your working environment as best you can. It can help to team up with less creative, more organized people—a partnership that can be mutually beneficial.
When to seek outside help for adult ADD / ADHD
If the symptoms of ADD/ADHD are still getting in the way of your life, despite self-help efforts to manage them, it may be time to seek outside support. Adults with ADD/ADHD can benefit from a number of treatments, including behavioral coaching, individual therapy, self-help groups, vocational counseling, educational assistance, and medication.

Thanks

mail id- raj.psychologist@gmail.com
           namm.says@gmail.com
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Behaviour Problems

Child Behaviour  Problems

In today’s society, children face countless situations that can have a negative effect on their social–emotional and academic development and ultimately on their happiness in life. Many societies consider delinquency, violence, drug and alcohol abuse, smoking, and early patterns of sexual behaviour that risk sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy among never married teenagers to be serious problems.

Common reasons for engaging in problem behaviour are:

1. To get attention (positive or negative)

2. To get an activity, toy, or item

3. To escape or avoid an activity or task

4. Due to physical or medical conditions

In simple terms, social and emotional learning (SEL) is the capacity to recognize and manage emotions, solve problems effectively, and establish positive relationships with others, competencies that clearly are essential for all students. Thus, SEL targets a combination of behaviours, cognitions, and emotions.

 Describe these common features in the principles of effective prevention-

1.Prevention efforts should begin with prenatal care and continue throughout the school years

2. Provide positive consequences to increase desirable behaviours

3. Clear, immediate, mild negative consequences can reduce problem behaviours

4.Create opportunities for children to observe and practice interpersonal as well as academic skills

5. Know where children and adolescents are, what they are doing and with whom, and provide appropriate supervision

6. Reduce youths’ access to the situations in which problem behaviour is particularly likely to occur

7. Reduce children’s exposure to negative conditions that cause stress

8. Encourage good biological functioning throughout development

9. Reducing aggressive behaviour among young children can prevent many problems later on

10. Establishing strong, clear norms for behaviour can influence youths’ behaviour

Key Components of Effective SEL: Five key competencies are taught, practiced, and reinforced through SEL programming (CASEL, 2003):

A.Self-awareness—Identification and recognition of one’s own emotions, recognition of strengths in self and others, sense of self-efficacy, and self-confidence.

B.  Social awareness—Empathy, respect for others, and perspective taking.

C.Responsible decision making—Evaluation and reflection, and personal and ethical responsibility.

D.Self-management—Impulse control, stress management, persistence, goal setting, and motivation.

E. Relationship skills—Cooperation, help seeking and providing, and communication.

      

        Dr.Shweta singh

         Guest Lecturer,

         Dpt of Applied Psychology,

        V.B.S.Purvanchal University

        Jaunpur,U.P.,INDIA 

        shweta_opsingh@rediffmail.com

Why Children's Lies

Why Children's Lies  

When children begin to lie purposely, there may be several reasons:

1. •To play with you;
2. •Because he thinks it is funny;
3. •To gain control of you or a situation;
4. •To avoid punishment;
5. •To cast blame on someone else;
6. •Because of fear or anxiety;
7. •To avoid doing something they do not want to do Because of jealousy. 
8. •Fear. When kids are scared of the consequences of their actions, they often lie to cover up. (Are the rules too strict? Are the limits too tight? Does your child feel free to talk with you?)
9. •To protect somebody else.
10. •Because she is imaginative and the truth is boring.
11. •To avoid an unpleasant task. (“Did you brush your teeth?” “Yes, Dad!”)
12. •By mistake. Sometimes lies seem almost involuntary, and a lie just slips out, especially if your child gets caught in a misdeed.
13. •For love, for approval, and because kids like to impress people quickly and effectively
14. •cover something up, hoping to avoid consequences or punishment                               
15. •explore and experiment with their parents’ responses and reactions
16. •exaggerate a story or impress others
17. •gain attention, even when they’re aware the listener knows the truth
18. •manipulate a situation or set something up – for example, saying to grandma, ‘Mum lets me have lollies before dinner’.
19. •Some kids lie because they feel that they are not meeting their parent's expectations. Are you putting too much pressure?                         
20. perform academically, athletically, or in other ways? Are your expectations realistic for a child that age?
21. •Sometimes, parental consequences are too harsh. A child may lie to avoid a punishment that he feels is unfair. 
22. •Children may lie to protect a friend or family member.  
23. •A child may lie to preserve his self image.                                        

BY :=

Namrata Singh

Child Psychologist

mail us....- namm.psychologist@gmail.com

Fun Dance

Smoking Kids

Smoking In Kids 

The health risks of tobacco are well known, but kids and teens continue to smoke and use chewing tobacco. Many young people pick up these habits every year — in fact, 90% of all adult smokers started when they were kids. Each day, more than 5,000 kids become regular smokers.

So it's important to make sure kids understand the dangers of tobacco use. Smoking is the leading cause of preventable deaths in the United States, and can cause cancer, heart disease, and lung disease. Chewing tobacco (smokeless or spit tobacco) can lead to nicotine addiction, oral cancer, gum disease, and an increased risk of cardiovascular disease, including heart attacks.

Giving kids information about the risks of smoking and chewing tobacco, and establishing clear rules and your reasons for them, can help protect them from these unhealthy habits.

You also should know the warning signs of tobacco use and constructive ways to help someone kick the habit.

The Facts About Tobacco

One of the major problems with smoking and chewing tobacco has to do with the chemical nicotine. Someone can get addicted to nicotine within days of first using it. In fact, the nicotine in tobacco can be as addictive as cocaine or heroin. Nicotine affects mood as well as the heart, lungs, stomach, and nervous system.

Other health risks include short-term effects of smoking such as coughing and throat irritation. Over time, more serious conditions may develop, including increases in heart rate and blood pressure, bronchitis, and emphysema.

Finally, numerous studies indicate that young smokers are more likely to experiment with marijuana, cocaine, heroin, or other illicit drugs.

The Attraction for Kids

Kids might be drawn to smoking and chewing tobacco for any number of reasons — to look cool, act older, lose weight, win cool merchandise, seem tough, or feel independent.

But parents can combat those draws and keep kids from trying — and getting addicted to — tobacco. Establish a good foundation of communication with your kids early on to make it easier to work through tricky issues like tobacco use.

Prevention Tips

To help prevent your kids from using tobacco, keep these guidelines in mind:·         Discuss it in a way that doesn't make kids fear punishment or judgment.
·         It's important to keep talking to kids about the dangers of tobacco use over the years. Even the youngest child can understand that smoking is bad for the body.
·         Ask what kids find appealing — or unappealing — about smoking. Be a patient listener.
·         Read, watch TV, and go to the movies with your kids. Compare media images with what happens in reality.
·         Encourage kids to get involved in activities that prohibit smoking, such as sports.
·         Show that you value your kids' opinions and ideas.
·         Discuss ways to respond to peer pressure to smoke. Your child may feel confident simply saying "no." But also offer alternative responses such as "It will make my clothes and breath smell bad" or "I hate the way it makes me look."
·         Emphasize what kids do right rather than wrong. Self-confidence is a child's best protection against peer pressure.
·         Encourage kids to walk away from friends who don't respect their reasons for not smoking.
·         Explain how much smoking governs the daily life of kids who start doing it. How do they afford the cigarettes? How do they have money to pay for other things they want? How does it affect their friendships?
·         Establish firm rules that exclude smoking and chewing tobacco from your house and explain why: Smokers smell bad, look bad, and feel bad, and it's bad for everyone's health.

What to Watch For

If you smell smoke on your child's clothing, try not to overreact. Ask about it first — maybe he or she has been hanging around with friends who smoke or just tried one cigarette. Many kids do try a cigarette at one time or another but don't go on to become regular smokers.

Additional signs of tobacco use include:

·         coughing

·         throat irritation

·         hoarseness

·         bad breath

·         decreased athletic performance

·         greater susceptibility to colds

·         stained teeth and clothing (also signs of chewing tobacco use)

·         shortness of breath

Getting Through to Kids

Sometimes even the best foundation isn't enough to stop kids from experimenting with tobacco. It may be tempting to get angry, but it's more productive to focus on communicating with your child.

Here are some tips that may help:

·         Resist lecturing or turning your advice into a sermon.

·         Uncover what appeals to your child about smoking and talk about it honestly.

·         Many times, kids aren't able to appreciate how their current behaviors can affect their future health. So talk about the immediate downsides to smoking: less money to spend on other pursuits, shortness of breath, bad breath, yellow teeth, and smelly clothes.

·         Stick to the smoking rules you've set up. And don't let a child smoke at home to keep the peace.

·         If you hear, "I can quit any time I want," ask your child to show you by quitting cold turkey for a week.

·         Try not to nag. Ultimately, quitting is the smoker's decision.

·         Help your child develop a quitting plan and offer information and resources, and reinforce the decision to quit with praise.

·         Stress the natural rewards that come with quitting: freedom from addiction, improved fitness, better athletic performance, and improved appearance.

Encourage a meeting with your doctor, who can be supportive and may have treatment plans

Anxiety in children

HANDLE CHILDREN ANXIETY 

·         Encourage your child to discuss his/her fears with you. Children, who are encouraged to talk about their concerns and feelings, will feel comforted and less alone. By listening to your child, you may also discover what the underlying problem is and therefore find ways to help. Suggest that your child write a story or draw a picture of scary things, and look for clues to help you understand his fears better.

·         Reassure and comfort your child. Children need lots of hugs and assurance that they are safe and understood. It is important to acknowledge their fears as being real to them and not trivialize their feelings. What children fear may seem silly to you, but that doesn’t make the emotion any less real.

·         Watch out for your own anxieties and worries. In some cases, anxiety is a learnt response and children may be picking up on your tensions. You are your child’s best model for behavior!

·   Teach your child relaxation techniques like deep breathing during anxious moments, counting to 10 or self-soothing statements. These methods can help to empower your child and will provide the inner confidence needed to overcome the fears.

·       Routines and plenty of warning before change can go a long way to making your child feel more secure and less anxious. Explain new situations in advance in a simple, friendly manner. (Try role playing to prepare for upcoming situations)

·      Remind your child of old fears that they overcame. This will provide the courage and confidence to face current fears. Always praise children’s efforts and successes when they do confront these anxieties.

·         Do not accommodate your child’s fears. If your child fears something, don’t purposefully avoid it as this will reinforce the need for escape and confirm the ‘reality’ of the danger. However, DO reassure your child and try to help him or her through the situation successfully.

·        Don’t dismiss feelings. Telling your child not to worry about her fears may only make her feel like she’s doing something wrong by feeling anxious. Let her know its okay to feel bad about something, and encourage her to share her emotions and thoughts.

· Listen. You know how enormously comforting it can be just to have someone listen when something’s bothering you. Do the same thing for your child. If he doesn’t feel like talking, let him know you are there for him. Just be by his side and remind him that you love him and support him.

·  Offer comfort and distraction. Try to do something she enjoys, like playing a favorite game or cuddling in your lap and having you read to her, just as you did when she was younger. When the chips are down, even a 10-year-old will appreciate a good dose of parent TLC.

· Keep your child healthy. Make sure he’s eating right and getting enough sleep. Not getting enough rest or eating nutritious meals at regular intervals can contribute to your child’s stress. If he feels good, he’ll be better equipped to work through whatever is bothering him.

·Avoid overscheduling. Soccer, karate, baseball, music lessons, play dates the list of extracurricular activities kids can take on is endless. But too many activities can easily lead to stress and anxiety in children. Just as grownups need some downtime after work and on weekends, children also need some quiet time alone to decompress.

.

·         Consult a counselor or your pediatrician. If you suspect that a change in the family such as a new sibling, a move, divorce, or a death of a family member is behind your child's stress and anxiety, seek advice from an expert such as your child's school counselor, your pediatrician, or a child therapist. They can suggest ways to help a child talk about death, for instance, or help him through any other shift in the family.

·         Set a calm example. You can set the tone for how stress and anxiety in children and adults is handled in your house. It's virtually impossible to block out stress from our lives in today's high-tech, 24-hour-news-cycle world, but you can do something about how you handle your own stress. And the more you are able to keep things calm and peaceful at home, the less likely it is that anxiety in children will be a problem in your household

 THANKS 

By: Lubna Mehmood

           Counselling Psychologist

        Meerut U.P (INDIA)

Gifted Child

Gifted Child at center (INDIA)- +919369160546

hello psychologist counseling center Lucknow , INDIA

5 year child amazing brain

Exam Phobia

Exam Phobia Treatment Tip 1:

Learn Relaxation Techniques

When you’re afraid or anxious, you experience a variety of uncomfortable physical symptoms, such as a racing heart and a suffocating feeling. These physical sensations can be frightening themselves—and a large part of what makes your phobia so distressing. However, by learning and practicing relaxation techniques, you can become more confident in your ability to tolerate these uncomfortable sensations and calm yourself down quickly.
Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and muscle relaxation are powerful antidotes to anxiety, panic, and fear. With regular practice, they can improve your ability to control the physical symptoms of anxiety, which will make facing your phobia less intimidating. Relaxation techniques will also help you cope more effectively with other sources of stress and anxiety in your life.

A simple deep breathing relaxation exercise
When you’re anxious, you tend to take quick, shallow breaths (also known as hyperventilating), which actually adds to the physical feelings of anxiety. By breathing deeply from the abdomen, you can reverse these physical sensations. You can’t be upset when you’re breathing slowly, deeply, and quietly. Within a few short minutes of deep breathing, you’ll feel less tense, short of breath, and anxious.
Sit or stand comfortably with your back straight. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.
Take a slow breath in through your nose, counting to four. The hand on your stomach should rise. The hand on your chest should move very little.
Hold your breath for a count of seven.
Exhale through your mouth to a count of eight, pushing out as much air as you can while contracting your abdominal muscles. The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other hand should move very little.
Inhale again, repeating the cycle until you feel relaxed and centered.
Try practicing this deep breathing technique for five minutes twice day. You don’t need to feel anxious to practice. In fact, it’s best to practice when you’re feeling calm until you’re familiar and comfortable with the exercise. Once you’re comfortable with this deep breathing technique, you can start to use it when you’re facing your phobia or in other stressful situations.

Exam Phobia Treatment Tip 2:

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Learning to challenge unhelpful thoughts is an important step in overcoming your phobia. When you have a phobia, you tend to overestimate how bad it will be if you’re exposed to the situation you fear. At the same time, you underestimate your ability to cope.
The anxious thoughts that trigger and fuel phobias are usually negative and unrealistic. It can help to put these thoughts to the test. Begin by writing down any negative thoughts you have when confronted with your phobia. Many times, these thoughts fall into the following categories:
Fortune telling. For example, “This bridge is going to collapse;” “I’ll make a fool of myself for sure;” “I will definitely lose it when the elevator doors close.”
Overgeneralization. “I fainted once while getting a shot. I’ll never be able to get a shot again without passing out;” “That pit bull lunged at me. All dogs are dangerous.”
Catastrophizing. “The captain said we’re going through turbulence. The plane is going to crash!” “The person next to me coughed. Maybe it’s the swine flu. I’m going to get very sick!”
Once you’ve identified your negative thoughts, evaluate them. Use the following example to get started.
It’s also helpful to come up with some positive coping statements that you can tell yourself when facing your phobia. For example:
“I’ve felt this way before and nothing terrible happened. It may be unpleasant, but it won’t harm me.”
“If the worst happens and I have a panic attack while I’m driving, I’ll simply pull over and wait for it to pass.”

“I’ve flown many times and the plane has never crashed. In fact, I don’t know anyone who’s ever been in a plane crash. Statistically, flying is very safe.”

Go And WIN

best of Luck